He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
- Douglas Adams
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Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
- Douglas Adams
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Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov
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I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.
- Henry Ward Beecher
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If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god.
- Napoleon Bonaparte
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Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
- Napoleon Bonaparte
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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
- Lenny Bruce
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Religion is essentially the art and the theory of the remaking of man. Man is not a finished creation.
- Edmund Burke
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The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.
- Richard Burton
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I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is.
- Albert Camus
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Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
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I don't believe in God but I'm very interested in her.
- Arthur C. Clarke
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Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but live for it.
- Charles Caleb Colton
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Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
- Annie Dillard
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I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs.
- Frederick Douglass
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Morality is of the highest importance - but for us, not for God.
- Albert Einstein
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A good sermon is an engineering operation by which a chasm is bridged so that the spiritual goods on one side-the 'unsearchable riches of Christ' - are actually transported into personal lives upon the other.
- Harry Emerson Fosdick
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How many observe Christ's birthday! How few, his precepts! O! 'tis easier to keep holidays than commandments.
- Benjamin Franklin
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
- Galileo Galilei
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I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
- Mohandas Gandhi
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Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.
- Bill Gates
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I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple, pray in your church. For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the spirit.
- Kahlil Gibran
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Cast aside those who liken godliness to whimsy and who try to combine their greed for wealth with their desire for a happy afterlife.
- Kahlil Gibran
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If the grandfather of the grandfather of Jesus had known what was hidden within him, he would have stood humble and awe-struck before his soul.
- Kahlil Gibran
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Religion is the idol of the mob; it adores everything it does not understand.
- Frederick the Great
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If we are going to teach creation science as an alternative to evolution, then we should also teach the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction.
- Judith Hayes
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The biblical account of Noah's Ark and the Flood is perhaps the most implausible story for fundamentalists to defend. Where, for example, while loading his ark, did Noah find penguins and polar bears in Palestine?
- Judith Hayes
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One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
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Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything.
- Robert A. Heinlein
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We are punished by our sins, not for them.
- Elbert Hubbard
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If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow strictly the teachings of the New, he would be insane.
- Robert Green Ingersoll
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Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
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It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.
- Helen Keller
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It's wonderful to climb the liquid mountains of the sky. Behind me and before me is God and I have no fears.
- Helen Keller
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Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays.
- Soren Kierkegaard
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The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance... logic can be happily tossed out the window.
- Stephen King
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There seems to be a terrible misunderstanding on the part of a great many people to the effect that when you cease to believe you may cease to behave.
- Louis Kronenberger
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This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.
- Dalai Lama
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You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
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I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
- C. S. Lewis
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C. S. Lewis
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The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.
- Bill Maher
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
- Bill Maher
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We must respect the other fellow's religion,but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken
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It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.
- H. L. Mencken
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Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.
- Dennis Miller
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Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.
- John Morley
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The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
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Human beings must be known to be loved; but Divine beings must be loved to be known.
- Blaise Pascal
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I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- Stephen Roberts
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The Bible is literature, not dogma.
- George Santayana
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No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.
- George Bernard Shaw
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Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!
- George Bernard Shaw
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When lip service to some mysterious deity permits bestiality on Wednesday and absolution on Sunday, cash me out.
- Frank Sinatra
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Doubt is part of all religion. All the religious thinkers were doubters.
- Isaac Bashevis Singer
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If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said "No."
- Margaret Smith
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We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.
- Jonathan Swift
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Recounting of a life story, a mind thinking aloud leads one inevitably to the consideration of problems which are no longer psychological but spiritual.
- Paul Tournier
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When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
- Bishop Desmond Tutu
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We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made or only just happened.
- Mark Twain
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But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
- Mark Twain
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God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
- Paul Valery
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Spiritual progress is like detoxification. Things have to come up in order to be released. Once we have asked to be healed, then our unhealed places are forced to the surface.
- Marianne Williamson
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